Once, a very long time ago, Wil and I and a very good friend had the pleasure of watching the slow progress of a lunar eclipse from the rocky bank of our favorite creek. I stood, eyes open, nearly unblinking, wanting to see actual movement, but all I could see was progress. Slowly the moon disappeared, and reappeared, but no matter how much I stared, it was like still frames instead of video. The pace of progress was so slow, you’d swear it was all just a clever magic trick.
Watching Rev grow is just like that eclipse. I’ve been watching him for four years, waiting to catch him in the act of growth, but all I can see is the progress, the still frames, not the video.
Suddenly, he can get his own water from the kitchen, get himself dressed. He asked to do the dishes the other day, he can write his own name with his own little hands, he can listen to long stories without pictures and understand the jokes. He’s kind, he’s a good friend to his friends and cousins, he gets incredibly excited about incredibly mundane things. He like to make his own decisions and sometimes we clash. He makes me laugh. He’s still our baby, but he’s not a baby anymore.
From one day to the next his pants are too short, his little t-shirt threatens to expose his belly button. His shoes are almost too small.
What sleight of hand is this, this change too slow to see? Brutal is what it is. And beautiful. So, so beautiful. It takes my breath away.
It’s finally, actually, cold here, which feels kind of remarkable after such a hot, and long, summer and fall. The cold blew in all at once on Saturday night accompanied by ominous dark clouds, ferocious winds, and a wild letdown of sleet, and it has stayed cold and windy since then. I have the baby today, and miraculously she and Rev are both napping at the same time, and I am creeping around trying to make the opposite of noise but am mostly just banging into things.
We made hand turkeys the other day and today Rev helped me cut them out and tape them to the front door and window, along with some leaves we had pressed and dried a few weeks ago, during the height of the colors. Now, they’re brittle, but still beautiful, and Rev could pick out the oak and maple from the others and which made both of us so proud.
And now they’re up already, with pink cheeks and rumpled hair and we’re all downstairs eating lunch and the house feels like a hug.
Waning moon, saw it in western sky this morning around 10:30 when we left house. Very warm, 70’s, sunny, no clouds until around 4 oclock when cold front rolled in. Huge winds from the North and west. Hail/sleet and rain. Sun seemed to set when clouds rolled in and it was a very dark, stormy, but cozy evening. Rev had a fever the past two days but tonight it was gone, yay.
My god, how can it already be november 19th? Seems to me November just started and now here we are, almost Thanksgiving and almost my birthday, which just happen to be on the same day this year. Time just feels like it’s moving too fast sometimes, the weeks are racing by. I suppose the question is, how can I be more aware of every day, every moment? How can I be more engaged in my life, how can I slow down, pay attention to all the details so it feels like things slow down? Although this year feels slower than last year, and I feel much better and more sane, less rushed, it’s still there, time moving by and rushing on, like something slick and fluid slipping through my hands.
Today we went to county park with the boys. Wil was planning to work, but ended up changing his mind, so we got to have lunch and park time together and it was so nice. He worked on remembering some of the traps he invented years ago, and zander was pretty riveted watching him, as usual. Wil is still the apple of his eye and zander delights in everything he does. He’s also a good student and loves to learn. Rev made up his own “trap” with a stick and a patch of nettles, explaining the animal would “trip over the stick and land in the nettles, getting a bad sting.” Clever, if perhaps not exactly efficient, in getting meat.
We spent some time at my old sit spot, which the boys now love to spend time in as much as I do. It’s a perfect bowl right now, an empty vessel. It’s been so dry, there’s barely a trickle of water out of the spring pipe, and even the small pond is very nearly dry. The large pond emptied like it is makes a perfect place to play and run around, track and get messy in mud. The ground is very soft there, all clay, and even if it is very dry it is a pretty good tracking spot. We saw a ton of deer tracks and a deer- sammy (one of our dogs) chased her up over the ridge and along the road as a matter of fact and I had to chase after him.
We also saw a perfect little fox scat on the one rock that sits in the middle of the dried pond bed. And sam found something living under the big crack willow but couldn’t dig it out. Rev spotted a red tail (Buteo jamaicensis) circling above on the air currents and called him by name which of course made me so happy. It was warm and we all got thirsty chasing each other around so took some big drinks at the water pumps at the top of the hill. The boys splashed in the water and wil helped them take their shirts off and let them run around in the sun like two wolf pups, despite my protests, which they all found hilarious.
Stopping at Zander’s house afterwards to drop him off, zander lent rev a blue polo shirt. After I helped him put it on, the collar was sticking up a bit and the buttons were undone. Zander said, “here rev, let me help you” and so delicately stood in front of him fixing his collar and buttoning his buttons and I felt like I was peeking into their future, into prom night or one of their weddings, it was such an earnest, sweet, little moment. A split second of time travel on an otherwise normal day.
Red-tailed hawk ( Buteo jamaicensis) feather dropped from the sky.